Here's Johnny - Small hands, big . plans?
Just when you thought you'd heard it all from the frontrunner for the GOP nomination for president, Donald J. Trump proves you're a loser and an idiot with low energy levels. Days before winning the first Kentucky GOP caucus, the only Republican presidential candidate to visit Kentucky added another unique touch to his party's race for the White House. Maddened by Florida Sen. Marco Rubio's earlier ridicule of his hand size (Rubio apparently decided he must out-Trump Trump), Trump addressed the charge first-hand, so to speak, at the March 3 debate in Detroit. (Apologies for using the word "Trump" in the previous sentence three times in a row, which is at least three times too many.) "Look at those hands, are they small hands?" Trump asked, raising them for debate attendees and viewers around the world to see. "And, he (Rubio) referred to my hands, 'If they're small, something else must be small.' I guarantee you there's no problem. I guarantee." Of course, it doesn't take long fingers to press the button that starts World War III, which is no small concern of mine about Mr. Trump. A knuckle would do just fine. Even a nose, especially if it has grown by leaps, bounds and lies during the campaign. (Trump's hardly the only serial exaggerator in this campaign, of course.) The first Republican president was a Kentucky-born giant with abnormally large hands and extraordinary physical strength and character, the latter of which seems not to be a concern for GOP voters this year. I wonder what Abraham Lincoln would say about what his party has become. I believe, were he running today, the rail splitter would refuse the temptation during post-debate handshakes to crush the hands of his unworthy opponents, even after Trump ridiculed his size and looks. I don't think voters care about the size of any candidate's appendages. I do hope they care about the size of their intellect and heart. Call me a dreamer. By the way, my hands are average-sized for a 6'3" fellow, but I guarantee you there's no problem when I set them to work on my computer's keyboard. I guarantee. McGary for prez' in '16. Just sayin'. Thanks for . something At the risk of making this week's edition of "Here's Johnny" a little too much about the author, please allow me to thank the many folks who sent attaboys my way for a recent award. You may have seen the picture in last week's Sun - a photo of me holding my certificate for a second-place finish in the Kentucky Press Association's 2015 "Best Column' category. The photo was taken by colleague Bob Vlach, who, after seeing the condition I was in the morning after the awards banquet, sent me color and black-and-white versions. I sent editor Steve Peterson the black-and-white edition, which was far less unflattering than the color version. Steve asked for and chose to use the color version. To Sun readers who lost their breakfast, lunch or dinner after viewing my ghastly appearance in the photo, I apologize, and suggest they send the cleaning bill to Mr. Peterson. As for the award, here's what one of the judges wrote: "I wish I could give two first-place awards because I absolutely loved Mr. McGary's columns. The Veteran's Card piece made me laugh out loud. The readers of Versailles are lucky to have him as a regular columnist." And here's what I'd say to that anonymous judge if I could: "Dear Sir/Ma'am: if you wanted to give two first-place awards, why didn't you? Your otherwise-kind note reminds me of the time a girl dating a buddy of mine dropped by his workplace and said, 'Rod, I almost made you some cookies!' I don't know if Rod replied, 'Well, almost thank you!' but he should have. Thanks anyway. I guess." But seriously, folks: 'Here's Johnny' is my favorite thing to do at The Sun - more fun even than Chamber of Commerce ribbon-cuttings and lengthy government meetings. Dear Readers who've told me they now turn to page two even before they check out who's been arrested, sued or divorced - well, their comments mean a great deal. Keep in mind, I'm a journalist with merely average-sized hands for my height. Perhaps the first-place finisher had hands the size of Lincoln. Thank you. I mean it. And I guarantee that.