Here's Johnny - Mr. Trump, I'm sorry
It ain't bragging if you can back it up. That's what the late Muhammad Ali used to say during his boxing days, often with a wink and a grin. Of course, maybe every claim Donald Trump has made during his successful bid for the Republican nomination is true, or will be proven true if he wins in November and has to slum it in the White House for at least four years. You may not remember this, but I, too, am running for president. I announced my second bid for the job in the July 30, 2015, edition of "Here's Johnny." However, after reading a recent Doonesbury cartoon featuring a lengthy compilation of Trump quotes, I realized I'm not only unknown and underfunded, but also entirely too un-great to be president. It's not stealing if you tell folks where you got the goods. That's what I told myself after I saw Garry Trudeau's work and realized, even sans illustrations, that the following quotes by the party of Lincoln's choice for president - all trumpeted by Donald Trump himself - are, shall we say, interesting. Here goes . something: "Nobody has better toys than me." "I can be more presidential than anyone." "No one is more conservative than me." "No one respects women more than me." "There's nobody more pro-Israel than I am." "There's nobody that's done so much for equality as I have." "There's nobody who feels more strongly about women's health issues." "Nobody knows more about taxes than me, maybe in the history of the world." "I have studied the Iran deal in great detail, greater by far than anyone else." "Nobody's ever been more successful than me." "Nobody knows banking better than I do." "Nobody knows more about debt than I do." "Nobody's bigger or better at the military than I am." "I'm the least racist person you'll ever meet." "Nobody knows the system better than me." "Nobody knows politicians better than me." "Nobody builds better walls than me." "Nobody knows more about trade than me." "There is nobody more against Obamacare than me." Wow. I suppose I wasn't listening when Mr. Trump - I'll call him Mr. Trump henceforth - was talking about how great he was. Please consider this my official apology: I regret every bit of criticism I've leveled at Mr. Trump and the offense I've given to at least some of the people who voted for him and helped him win the Kentucky caucus. Nobody is more sincere than me when I say that.