Here's' Johnny - 'No good can come of it'
About 45 minutes before the first debate between the presidential nominees of the two major American political parties, I called The Hatchling (aka Anna, my daughter). She's in her first semester at Marymount Manhattan College and we hadn't done more than exchange emails for all too long and I missed her. She had good news about her classes and auditions and admitted that, yes, just as her father predicted, at least one of her five roommates could be classified as a wild child. I asked whether she and her pals and perhaps even the wild child would watch the debate. She said many would, but wasn't sure she'd join them. "No good can come of it," she said. That's the way I feel about writing about Monday night's face-off at Hofstra University. So you'll get no debate analysis from this writer, whose Dear Readers should know whom he considers the most evil of these two lessers. However, as a veteran and a journalist who needs at least 600 words for this column, I will contribute to the continuation of this little experiment in democracy that we call America. I will offer these suggestions on how candidates for the highest office in the land should conduct themselves in debates: . Don't interrupt. Here in Ol' Kaintuck, we're taught that it's rude to interrupt. Fortunately, I have a proposal that will fix that problem, or at least make debate viewing far more entertaining: Bark collars. They'd be attached to the candidates backstage and when they talk when it's not their turn to talk, they'll get a non-lethal but darn painful zap. Of course, 29 zaps over 90 minutes might prove lethal, but I reckon if you're interrupting every three minutes, you might have it coming. . Answer the moderator's question. . Don't lie. . Come to think of it, bark collars could help with non-answering fabricators, too. Then there are these thoughts from a fellow journalist who, unlike me, saw the whole thing: "There's not enough wine in the world." "Last one to Canada's a rotten egg." Hey, how 'bout those Cats? Stooping to conquer Yes, South Carolina has a first-year head coach. Yes, the Gamecocks are almost certainly not bowl-bound. Yes, UK hardly set the night on fire in Commonwealth Stadium Saturday, stopping a late drive to hold on and win its second game of the season, 17-10. And yes, a play on the last name of Mark Stoops for a subhead is rather lame. But . For a team with a defense that had rolled out the blue and white carpet to each of its first three foes, any win was a good one, particularly one in which an SEC foe only scored a touchdown, extra point and a field goal. Time will tell whether Stoops turns the Kentucky Wildcats football squad into a consistent winner, or at least one that wins half its games and qualifies for one of the 87 bowl games played each postseason. The Cats likely won't get there this year, the fourth year of the so-called Stoops Era proclaimed by UK broadcasters early in the Stoops Era. There's not much Stoops Era talk these days. I'll just say this: college football is a tough game. Players risk life, limb and future IQ points to run as fast as they can and hit as hard as possible. Practices, particularly during summer camp, are exhausting. All the while, these young men must attend classes (or their Internet equivalent) and maintain a certain grade point average to remain eligible and keep their scholarship. Then there are those schools that routinely exercise their option to let expire the one-year scholarships virtually all student-athletes work under. Win or lose, it takes courage to play - and coach - football in front of 60,000 fans screaming for your scalp because you haven't performed as well as some think you should have. Saturday, the Cats showed plenty of courage, and I hope their fans remember that the rest of the season, or at least the rest of the week. See, UK's got a little trip to Alabama this weekend . And no, bark collars aren't the solution for under-achieving football players, though I wouldn't mind seeing a coach who misses an obvious time-out call getting a little zap.