• John McGary, Woodford Sun Staff

Here's Johnny - What Presidents’ Day means to me

I’m writing this on Presidents’ Day – Monday, Feb. 20, 2017. I’d rather pay homage to our nation’s leaders by not writing about them – by taking a day off in their honor – but at most workplaces, private and public, that’s not the way things work.

Thus, it seems appropriate, and, more important, all too easy, to pen a few words to help my fellow Americans, particularly the younger variety, understand words and phrases employed by our new president and his team

I’ll write the definitions in such a way so that they can be easily used by anybody, particularly children.

Here goes lots of, ehm, stuff

Fake News: Factual news stories that displease you, in part because they are factual

Dishonest Media: Journalists who print or broadcast factual news stories that displease you

Rigged: Events that have not transpired or may not transpire in the fashion you wish. Saying things are rigged absolves you of any responsibility for the problem in question. Kids, take heed – your parents can’t ground you for bad grades if you convince them the teacher rigged the class against you. Adults, you can’t be convicted for DUI if you convince a judge the bartender rigged the drinks against you or the police rigged the breathalyzer against you

“So unfair”: What to say when a business decides not to do business with you or a close relative

“Mean to me”: See rigged

“The biggest Electoral College win since Ronald Reagan”: What to call the lowest Electoral College victory margin since George W. Bush

“I was given that information” or “I’ve seen that information around”: What to say when publicly presented with facts about “The biggest Electoral College win since Ronald Reagan.” Not disclosing your source won’t prevent you from criticizing members of the Dishonest Media from not disclosing their sources in fake news

Ronald Reagan: No new definition here. I just miss him, and not merely because I cast my first presidential vote for him

“I won the popular vote”: What to say when, according to election officials of both parties around the nation, you didn’t win the popular vote

So-called judge: A judge who doesn’t take your side in court

Well-oiled machine: How to describe a new administration in which one high-ranking official is fired for fibbing about Russia (and the campaign he worked for is being investigated for ties to that dictatorship), a nominee for Secretary of Labor steps down for not paying taxes on labor, and a key executive order is struck down by so-called judges and protested by hundreds of thousands.

“Inheriting a mess”: How to describe taking over a country in which, at home, the illegal immigration rate, unemployment rate, and federal deficit are far lower than when your predecessor took over.

“The highest murder rate in 47 years”: What to say when the murder rate is near a 45-year low

Alternative facts: I’m struggling with a new definition for this phrase, but perhaps I can use it in a sentence. “Anyone who says I’m not heir to a horse farm and large fortune doesn’t know the alternative facts.

“… Look at what’s happening last night in Sweden …”: If the Swedish prime minister responds, “Sweden? Terror attack? What has he been smoking? Questions abound,” just remember that he has rigged things against you, or is friends with the Dishonest Media.

Bowling Green Massacre: As someone who worked in Bowling Green when this didn’t occur with friends there who say it also didn’t occur before I arrived or after I left, the Bowling Green Massacre still makes me weep. See also “… what’s happening last night in Sweden …” for more on the latest mass terror attack and Dishonest Media to learn who covered up the Bowling Green Massacre.

Presidents’ Day: A day in which Americans, even those who don’t get the day off, honor the honesty and preparedness of our top elected official.

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