Guns, guns, guns!
I was all set to write a sparkling new column, but a wreck on Pinckard Pike and another inside my computer got in the way. Thus this encore edition of one of the columns that garnered this humble scribe a second-place finish in the recently-announced Kentucky Press Association’s Best Weekly Column category. I’ll do better next week, or my name’s not Johnny.
Anybody who’s spent much time in Central Kentucky should recall the pitchman for a gun show at Lexington’s Civic Center calling out in advertisements, “Guns, guns, guns!”
I don’t remember the rest of his spiel, but the fact that I recall any of it speaks to the power of those television and radio ads, which came to this mind a day or two after the Las Vegas massacre.
This is where the stereotypical Liberalmediaelite columnist would chime in for a little more gun control. This is where such a person would suggest that perhaps we should make it harder to obtain semi-automatic and automatic weapons, which made it pretty easy for the Vegas gunman to kill 58 and wound more than 500.
As John Belushi used to say near the end of his occasional editorials on the early days of Saturday Night Live’s faux-news program, “But no!”
I think it ought to be easier to buy any gun, be it handgun, rifle, shotgun, machine gun or mortar. I don’t think licensed sellers should have to check first to see if would-be purchasers have a domestic violence order against them, or a history of mental illness, or are on terrorist watch lists, or are felons.
I think our nation’s Second Amendment is being unduly trampled by such restrictions, and I won’t be happy until I see every American of every age armed to the teeth – especially children.
I think no child should be left behind in the arms race, and if they show up for elementary school without at least a handgun in their backpacks or on their hips, they should be sent home and rearmed.
I think teachers should include target practice in the curriculum, and to make it more interesting and increase the number of “teachable moments,” let the kids take potshots at each other during recess. (Pellet or BB guns should be used then – we don’t want to spend money on medical bills or funerals that would be better spent on guns or ammunition.)
We need more guns in this country, not fewer, and especially the sort that can defend our homes from masses of North Koreans, zombies or government bureaucrats. Do you think Kim Jong Un would show up on our doorsteps if he knew we had submachine guns and itchy trigger fingers?
I think not.
I’m also against required waiting periods before gun purchases or any type or mandatory training for gun buyers and owners. Just because our men and women in the military have to be taught how to shoot an M-16 (as this vet was) doesn’t mean ordinary citizens should be.
I won’t be happy until I see every attendee at 4th of July festivals packing heat and pulling the trigger whenever they wish. Hey, we might be able to do away with the fireworks show altogether.
Let’s face it: if every person who attended that deadly country music concert had been armed with a sniper rifle or machine gun, the mass murderer would have been snuffed out more quickly. Liberals would suggest that an audience composed of gun-toting beer drinkers might itself be pretty dangerous, and to them, I’d say, “That’s none of your business – and stop hating America, you liberals!”
I also might fire a warning shot at ‘em.
Guns are what made America great even before America was made greater by President Trump.
I think folks of all stripes and shades should be allowed to take any type of gun they wish onto airplanes and buses and into state capitols, city councils and fiscal courts, governors’ mansions, Congress and the White House. It’s hypocritical for the men and women who make our laws – some of which could one day involve gun control – to not allow folks to bring guns into these areas.
C’mon, this is America!
Or at least, it used to be, before people started trying to take away our Second Amendment rights.
After all, the Second Amendment spells it out pretty clearly: “A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.”
To me, that means the more guns the merrier.
After these important reforms, our leaders can start doing away with other liberty-infringing laws, like age requirements for driver’s licenses and penalties for speeding or texting while driving.
As Lee Greenwood wrote in his signature song, “I’m proud to be in America, where at least I know I’m free.”
A chorus group sang “God Bless The U.S.A.” just before my company graduated from boot camp, and I thought then, and think now, that the only flaw in that tune is that it doesn’t mention guns.
Not once. C’mon, Mr. Greenwood – this is America!